I have missed blogging and find myself coming up with blogs in my head, but never finding the time to get them down! It's so frustrating!!
Being a mom of four with a husband who is gone every week, has strengthened me, given me more patience than I can ever imagine and an increased admiration for true single mom and dads.
It is very lonely most days for me and I'm so thankful that I have my group of girls at Boot Camp and the friendships I have formed! I'm thankful, though it's been a tough financial year for us, I can still have help once a week to get out for me and get a break in our routine.
I am, however, by NO MEANS a super mom. And I never ever want to come across that way.
I have never sat still and I have had to sit still for quite a few years now. So I do find myself doing more things and getting out a lot more in the past 6 months, which would explain why blogging is so tough. So not only do I get lonely, but I get bored. I also am envious of those who have husband's who are home every night and able to share the load of child rearing. I am always tired and exhausted, but yet I have to keep moving for I will fall asleep at the wheel!
A nap! What I wouldn't give for a nap most days and sleep through the night? What is that?! Someone is always up in our household!!
I feel like a constant maid and cook and not appreciated by my family. Cinderella would definitely describe how I feel and sometimes I dream of little mice and birds to help me with my day!
Also, it is very very very hard for me to ask for help from my friends. They are in the same boat as I am, most of them! Tired, exhausted, hubby's working late or not at home, financially strapped. Plus I have four children, not 2 to 'dump off' on someone! I'm very envious of friends who have family that lives close by AND wants to be a part of their grand children's life and help out a struggling mother. Babysitting does not come by cheap for four children, while worth every penny to our girls that are like our family. My middle of the night emergency calls are to two very good friends thankfully and we have a pact that it goes both ways. I have only come close, thankfully, to ever needing to use it ;-)
On another note, but related!, I am FINALLY doing something for myself AND asking for help! I am starting a private blog on the journey of Heather Malloy post four babies and getting her body back with the help of a surgeon! If you would like to follow it, just email me and I will happily add you to it!
As you know, I have been kicking my butt, at first with a personal trainer for over a year, running (will hopefully get back there) and Boot Camp! I have practically starved myself, gone the low carb high protein route, eaten clean and whole, eaten everything and etc.
I have lost all my baby weight plus the weight I gained after meeting Mike and our 'honeymoon' phase. I have maintained my weight loss for well over a year now as well, fluctuating 5 lbs here and there. I'm exhausted trying to get to my goal size!!
I am not happy nor at peace with where my body still is! I'm not looking to get into a bikini, I never wore them much before babies. I hate to still see my lower body in pictures. Bathing suits are difficult to find to that flatter my body. I am SOOOO tired of people asking me when my baby is due or if I know what I'm having!
So I finally started to see plastic surgeons about my body. I have the 'muffin top' when I wear jeans. I call it my extra shirt I have to tuck in! It becomes a front butt when I sit down. Not only do I have a pooch that grows as the day wears on I have a tremendous amount of loose skin in my lower abdomen. It's to be expected, I did get up to 220 lbs with each pregnancy! My breast are those of flapjack raisins!
I have seen three surgeons and every single one of them say I am the ideal candidate for a Tummy Tuck and Breast Aug. I hardly have any fat on my tummy. I have a one and a half inch separation on my midline. I can feel this, it is FREAKY! I wake up in the morning with a flat stomach, because my body has rid of the waste. As the day goes on, my abdomen wall is so separated that my organs are falling through and all the fluid 'leaks' out and causes the pooch! Isn't that lovely?!
I have been told by all three surgeons that there is not anything diet or exercise I can do at this point and surgery is the only option for my abdomen. The first time I heard this I literally almost started crying. The second and third time, it just felt great and I couldn't wait to get this show on the road!
I just met the third surgeon yesterday, and I booked with her on the spot! In the first 5 minutes I knew she was my surgeon! She is just simply incredible. She makes the most beautiful belly buttons! But to me that's just a bonus compared to the 1 and 1/2 hours we met, all the work she has done, and all her accreditations!
Surgery won't be until November 1st, when Mike can be home with his insane travel schedule. I'm working on dates that my sister and my mom can come in to help be mom to my children. I will be calling on my friends, who forever have offered, for help with my children as well! Like I said, it is so difficult for me to ask for help, but to do this I have to. I can not be a mom or wife to my family for a good 2 weeks at the least. I can't lift anything or exercise for 8 weeks. I can't make meals, I can't get up in the middle of the night, I can't drive, heck I won't be able to stand up straight for 1-2 weeks. Sounds fun huh? But the end result WILL BE worth it! It's a lot of money and I'm so thankful Mike is behind me 100% so we will finance it. Week three I should be able to start doing a little bit, but extremely tired and so forth.
I will be asking those friends for their help in driving to and from schools. And possibly rides to the doctor's office for follow ups!
My hope is to make this journey as painless for my beautiful family as possible. I know I am the rock in our family. I worry for Mike and his patience with four children day and night AND trying to work. He tells me not to worry, but let's be real here! We moms know it's extremely tough! And it's not like I'm going away for a weekend where the kids don't have much going on. This are school weeks, lunches being made, homework being supervised, bathing, staying on routine so everyone sleeps well at night and wakes up at a decent hour to restart the next day.
I haven't even mentioned keeping the house in decent working order. THIS two things are the part that makes me sick to my stomach and sometimes wanting to back out at times!! Not me going under the knife and not able to function for some time!
Am I weird?!
So November 1st, I will be sitting still for a very long time, against the very fiber of my being and at the mercy of everyone else's help (I hope). Please let it come and go quickly! For those of you who are going to help me, I can't wait for the day to return the favor of help as well!
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